Mister Know it All.

[jack thompson]

Submit your questions about everything known to mankind. Everything from Motocross to your girlfriends, wives and dogs. When i find time i will answer your question and make your life better.MKA

[Joe Joiner]

OK Jack, if you really do know it all, maybe you can tell me whats up with my 2 dogs. They are both males, one a large dog, and the other a small dog. Now, I aint ever been one to really look at dogs weiners, but I just can't figger this out. My big dogs got a little weiner, and my little dogs got a big weiner. Whats up with that? And what is really strange, is that neither dog is a weiner dog. Any light you can shed on this enigma would be greatly appreciated as I have searched several encyclopedias, talked to numerous so called 'experts' and even asked the folks down at the local Pets Mart, all to no avail. I even tried to contact the 'dog whisperer' on TV but his staff musta thought I was some sort of wierdo and hung up on me when I explainer my dilemma. Any advice from the guru of knowledge would be greatly appreciated. Signed.............Canine perplexed

[jack thompson]

Sure thing Joe, as a Lad in Westchester High School i was in the F.F.A. future farmers of America, Not only this but in Boy Scouts i earned a merit badge in animal husbandry. The big dog who has a small weiner and the little dog who has a big weiner is actually a quite normal phenonema. Weiner size is actually a product of WFO or wide effn open. Just as some motocrossers have no nuts and go into first turns in last place and some motocrossers have big nuts and go into first turns with a holeshot.

Myself i wouldnt concern myself with weiner size on your two dogs. Just as the engines you so wisely assembled fo Al Baker tolerances do exist. We merely accept the tolerances. Look at it in another light. Some little women have big puppys and some big women have little puppys. Never the less we dont question it and enjoy them. In closing i am truly concerned for your mental health as "You really should know "not to look at dogs weiners. Regards Mister Know it all.

[Craig Knight]

"Some little women have big puppys and some big women have little puppys"

OK, Meeester-no-it-all, here's my question: what if a woman has low tolerance for dogs, and therefore has no puppies at all? conversely, if she has a high tolerance for dogs...., does she ride only 1975 KX 125's?

just askin'!

[jack thompson]

Hang on , for once i need to think of a answer, by the way, i may get to go to koh. Regards MKA

[Joe Joiner]

OK......OK.......I admit that I probably need some kind of therapy or maybe some kind of support group to hear me out on this perplexing dilema I seem to have been swept into. But It's really not all about me. If truth really be known, it's my big dog I'm really concerned about. You see, he has aquired such a complex about this whole thing, that he's now afraid, or maybe a better word for it is ashamed, to even go out in public anymore. Surely you're aware, Mr. Know-it-all, that a dogs' business is there for all the bitches to see, and he feels absolutely humiliated to walk around anymore in public, especially when he's walkin around with the little dog with his.............well, you get the picture. Like the other day, I took them both to the 'doggie park' near my house. The laughs and jeers from all the bitches there was terribly humiliating, For me too, as I was crying, along with him as I loaded him into the van. Of course, I then had to round up the little dog who was struttin his stuff all around the park. The hoots and whistles from all the other dogs around was further humiliation for the poor big dog who could hear them well, even tho he was in the van with his head up under some old blankets. Surely with all your FFA (or was it FAA?) training, and the Boy Scout stuff, you can come up with a workable, viable, practicle, moral and most importantly, an affordable solution. I am at my wits end. I even tried several 'male enhancement' products added to his dog food, with no real positive results. I'm now having to give him 'happy pills' to get him to even leave his dog house. And you know how we all hate to stay in the dog house. Please help him, Mr. Know-it-all, please.

[jack thompson]

Bare with me Craig in refernece to your question, And bare with me Joe. There are a few times i am stumped however as the great Mister Know it all will arrive at a solution for both of you.MKA

[Martin Brazil]

I don't want to step on any toes but a thought is to throw cold water on the big dog. I use the line" it must be because I am wet and cold - because I promise I am hung like a hampster" line when I have run across questions in my own life. I know everyone has excuses . . . . My tire aren't gripping like they used to ( 40-50 pounds couldn't be the problem) or you would not believe what my motor sucked through it's rot**** V***. We have all heard the reasons and excuses. In a perfect work we would never get flats, foul a plug or lose our bike*(s) in a divorce or stolen out of our trailers but it happens.The cool part it isn't the loses -when we are given lemons we make lemon aide but that are enough old vintage bikes and parts that need work that keeps us going.Now I have this hampster that . . . .

[Paul Burnett]

I don't know where else this would be relevant in this group but this email exchange really happened last week from someone I went to Highschool with:
You see it is stories like this that will assure I never get to run for Office !
Email I got from Bruce W:
Paul

I was sitting here and Halloween Costumes popped into my mind, after all it's
only about 6 weeks until, anyway I had a memory of going down to I believe it
was the Boiler Room Club in West End, probably in the mid to late 80s' seems I
ran in to someone I know dressed as a large penis. Anybody we know? Seems I
remember YOU inside of that, correct, or not?

Bruce

Ya, I'm a Dick ! Do you have any pictures? no one I know got one. I did win the
award at Confetti's but it was televised and they wouldn't show me so they
showed the runner up as the winner;(

[jack thompson]

Quit screwing up my column, this is for mister know it all. MKA

[jack thompson]

And as for you Craig, i dont answer questions i dont want to. Of course i have a answer but i wont share it.Once again you are being a smart a , when in fact this cloumn is meant for serious questions the common layman cant answer. When you have a valid question then and only then get in my column. Ya really shudda knowed Craig. This column was meant for questions like Joe had. Any questions about Stella?

[Scott Lancaster]

Hi MKA, I have two questions for you. Do you have a black wishing ball or a # 8 on your head. Ok three questions, I have a MX 4 125or175 project bike. I have two rotary valve engines and since your the expert on rotary valve engines, here's the 75,000 thousand dollar question the 125 is a 78 mx engine the 175 is enduro which can be converted to a MX rotary valve do I spend the extra money to have converted at Can- Am headquarters down in Beaumont by Al Roberts that will make me miss the first race in GP Smallbore or do I go with the 125 which is running barely. I need a new top end.

[jack thompson]

Scott, for the time being my head is a cue ball. As for your question pertaining to missing a race in the interest of larger displacement. Mka never advises a missed race. The important concept of Tvrc is "Motocross for the fun of it". Whether your mx125 is a turtle chaser or not, fun may not be maximized by having some tuning guru in South Texas Hog away at your cylinder. I also must submit, that missing a Tvrc race is a sure way to lose points. My mind tells me it is unlikely anyone is going to unseat the King of the Hill 2008 whether they be on a 175 or a turtle chaser Montesa such as Mike Hance. As the all knowing purveyor of the small bore kingdom let me interject a thought. As many said of Bultaco smallbores you pays your pesos and takes your chances. What i would suggest is line that Canadian Crotch Rocket up at Oak Hill in the 125 configuration. No doubt your work is cut out for you. Ken Walden on his 5 speed Suzuki Screamer, Myself on my 6 speed Kawasaki wonder. Craig Knight on who knows what. Dollar Dave Allard on yet another Yamaha Zinger, My best advice is wait for the Kawasaki to blow, Craig to pull in for a Rita, the Bultacos to blow, Ken to run out of gears on that Tm weezer. Next tuck in behind the Riddler closer than Batman himself and ride that Can of Ham straight to the victory circle for 2nd place. Awaiting you will be the trophy girl, currently we are searching for plus size lingerie models for the position. Kiss her take your trophy and send the Bike to Roberts in Beaumont to be ready for KOH 2010. And Scott Ya really shudda knowed, Regards MKA